Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
