i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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