Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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