I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize