Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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