I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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