Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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