I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
