i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
