Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.