he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
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Everything about him screamed your future.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.