i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates