i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I supernannyed him into submission
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night