you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing