yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Don't make out with my wife yet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell