Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing