she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.