Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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