matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize