I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
