Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
