Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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