but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
