Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
