I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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