Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Vodka?
Forever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
