I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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