Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want nice things and good sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize