dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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