so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
