i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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