I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize