Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drake has all the answers
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we should paint friendship bongs
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