dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
