another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
