Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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