Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize