I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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