We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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