i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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