im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
