Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
