did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?