he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's blow job season.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world