You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver