Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.