hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart