Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
