She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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