I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
