suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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