Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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