I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
