If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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