I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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