Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
