I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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