he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.