I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him