I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.