the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm getting married
To pizza
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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