She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.