East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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