Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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