At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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