I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
